Wifery Tales- #1

I have always been part of a weird family.
Always.
We like weird noises, fart humor is 100% okay, we all talk and argue in a variety of accents, and we can never. EVER. go into grocery stores as an entire family without a funny story, or maybe even someone being offended--haha!

My dad and brother being the goofiest of them all. In the Kirkpatrick household, there was (is) never a dull moment.

Even now as I have moved out, my dad is still making wise cracks over the phone and yelling and joking in the background-- I love it.

And, **thank you Jesus** -- Weirdness has only multiplied in my life: In the best way.

Ahh.. My husband.
I love the guts right out of him.
He is great-- and...

He fits right in!

I was always so afraid as a teenager that my husband would end up being super serious and that he wouldn't like my weird nor except the weird habits I grew up with (and LOVE!)

No.

He is his own species of weird. 
He and I -- We are mutually weird and quirky, and our household will forever be that way.

Which brings me to last nights events.

LAST NIGHT:

Last night was our first ever G3 (that's our youth group) kick off. And it was amazing.
Lance preached a killer message, many students came, heard God's word, and it was just overall a great turn out.

After the service, Lance had to stay later to clean up and lock up and I had to get home, shower and finish up my homework- so I was a party pooper and headed out early.

*Pause*

You know what I love? I love listening to music in the shower. Its my favorite!

And- one of our family friends gave Lance and I this COOL gadget for a wedding gift - A WATERPROOF BLUETOOTH SHOWER SPEAKER.

Yes. I know, isn't that AWESOME!!???

You just link your phone to it and you can blast whatever you want while your scrub 'a dubbin!

*UnPause*

Back to last night.

So I get home and head straight for the shower.  And of course, I turn on my Bluetooth shower speaker and blast some Rend Collective on Spotify.

I'm singing my little heart out and just jamming' away.

When all of the sudden, my music stops.

"Dang you Spotify-- You told me I had 30 minutes of ad- free music!"

But oh no, it doesn't just stop.

In the creepiest, demonic, raspy, unworldly voice, the shower speaker starts TALKING to me.

"You wanna play a game?"

My eyebrows raise, my mouth drops.

"What the crap are they doing to the ad's on Spotify?! That is straight up SKETCH!"

At this point I'm just waiting for my song to continue playing, but NO.

"Yoooou waaaaanna play a game?"

STOP. TALKING. TO. ME. SHOWER. SPEAKER.

I'm breathing a little heavy at this point.

I peek my head out of the shower curtain to see what the heck is going on with my shower speaker

And everything is perfectly normal. Great.

"My phone is demon possessed. The Devil is trying to scare me and has taken my phone captive! He is asking me to play his games. Help me Lord, I'm home alone and I can't get my shower speaker to shut up!"

Then, the creepy, raspy, serial killer toned voice breaks the silence yet again more frequently:

"YOU WANNA PLAY A GAME?!"
"YOU WANNA PLAY A GAME?!"
"YOU WANNA PLAY A GAME?!"

I reach my hand outside the shower.

I'm freaking out and thinking, " Oh gosh, I'm gonna have to lay my hands on this dang wedding gift and rebuke that Devil until this horrid voice stops taking over my MUSIC and interrupting my shower time!"

Had evil truly entered my bathroom? Were there evil spirits trying to play with my head by using my shower speaker as a tool?!

Laughter.

Then. I hear laughter.

No no, not coming from the shower speaker.

FROM MY HUSBAND.

He comes running into the bathroom hysterically laughing with my phone in one hand saying:

"I hacked your phone and I've been watching you from the reflection of the mirror this whole time!!!! Hahhaaa!"



Thank you, you red-headed turd.

This. Means. War.

Remember

The past few months-- I have been CONVINCED... I'm losing my short term memory.

I don't know if it's because I stay up too late, or that I'm not eating right, (or just not paying attention..) -- who knows!

All that I know, is that I could be on the phone with someone and instantly forget what they just said. Or get directions from someone and then ask again because I forgot. Plus, I find myself constantly asking my friends, "What was I just saying? What did you ask?"

Can you imagine my thought process?

"Oh gosh.. what if i'm developing short term memory loss...Altzeimers?  Lord! I'm only 21! IM ONLY 21!! There's a lot I want to remember!"

"What if I lose my job because I can't remember emergency details??"

"What if I have to live the rest of my life writing Post It notes everywhere to remember who I AM!"

I'm ridiculous, I know. Don't act like your mind doesn't wander here sometimes!

But seriously. This sounds really silly, but I have sincerely been freaking out a little bit on the inside because I can't remember things!

All the while, in my Bible reading, prayer and in the quiet moments, God keeps ironically impressing these words on my heart.. "Kaitlin, remember, and don't forget."

THANKS God. Just keep rubbin' it in! I already feel bad enough for forgetting things all of the time-- I can't help it, and I'm trying!!

God has been showing me that my tendency to forget goes so far beyond things that are superficial, minute and short term--and is a much deeper kind of forgetting that can actually be detrimental to my whole being.

Psalm 78 is one of those chapters that retells the whole entire story of Israel and its' history. Sometimes when I see these parables, I just skip over them (shhhh..). Why? Because its the same story over and over and over and overrrrrrr...... We all know the drill of Israel:

Israel walks with God, watches God do CRAZY things that will blow your mind like split a sea, draw water from a rock, lead the crowd by a cloud, THEN Israel find something to be dissatisfied about, they grumble against God--Israel wanders. Israel sins against God, repeatedly. Israel finds another "god" to serve. Because why?

Israel forgot.

Numerous times throughout this passage, it highlights the very root of their sin: They FORGOT.

"They did not keep God's covenant, and refused to live by his instructions. They forgot what he had done-- the great wonders he had shown them, the miracles he had done for their ancestors."(78:11-12)

"Again and again they tested God's patience and provoked the Holy One of Israel, they did not remember his power and how he rescued them from their enemies." (78:41-42).

"They did not remember his miraculous signs in Egypt, his wonders on the plains of Zoan." (78:43)

And as a result...

"...they kept testing and rebelling against God Most High. They did not obey his laws. They turned back and were as faithless as their parents. They were as undependable as crooked bows." (78:56)

And what about Eve?

The serpent told her if she ate of the fruit, she would be like God. So she ate it and man fell.
Eve!!!!
Remember what God told you?
"So God created man in His own image-- In the image of God He created them" (Genesis 1:27)
You're identity was already in God, you were already LIKE HIM!

Eve forgot.

Hmmm. Ya know, I'm thinkin' the reason the same unhealthy cyclic story of Israel & God's chosen people is so constant throughout the Bible because *hello* -- How often do we forget?

Forget who we are, forget what God has done for us not only in our own lives, but in those before us?  We forget how effective Christ's work for us was on the cross, how sufficient it was and is! We forget what God has freed us from. And like those wandering Israelites, we run back to the same lovers and idols that bind us right back up again into a routine of giving ourselves to them over and over again, only to receive nothing in return? We forget how BIG God's love is, we forget about forgiveness. And instead-- We run. We run away from Him, we lose faith in the God we once trusted so deeply--Why?

Because we forget, too.

Why else would God have called for what seem to be drastic measures when it comes to remembering to follow Him wholeheartedly?

 “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone.And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.  Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.  Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." -Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Tie them to your hands, write them on your FOREHEAD, are you kidding me? 
Whether God was being serious, I don't know-- But I do know, that if they were really that consistent with remembering the love of the Lord and what He had asked of them -- It would be SO hard for them to forget.

Remembering is powerful. 

Remembering has the ability to make a monumental shift in the reality we live in. We can become so weighed down with the reality of where we are-- whether we are burned out, overwhelmed with burdens, carrying the weight of a family, feeling purposeless, dealing with sin, rudely awakened to the horrid things going on in the world, aware of the fact that we are not satisfied or content, terrified of the future, maybe depressed--hopeless. We're all somewhere. It's easy to find ourselves honed in on our feelings and what we see that we forget to remember who we are, who our God is, what He has done, and the promises he has given us. 

But! When we remember, our entire attitude can change. Not our circumstances, but our outlook. Remembering these things takes the scales off of our eyes that cause us to reflect inward and allow them to be miraculously opened to a breathtaking reality that our God is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Ephesians 3:20). 

Jeremiah shows a great example of this when he was weeping over the city of Jerusalem and was beyond overwhelmed with the horrible condition of the city and the loftiness of his circumstances and still said:

"Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!

His mercies never cease, 

Great is his faithfulness;

His mercies begin afresh each morning.

I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance,

therefore, I will put my hope in Him." (Lamentations 3:21-24)

And boom! Just like that, hope comes forth from remembering the God who saves. Did Jeremiah's circumstances change-- Nope! But instead of wallowing in depression and angst, His remembrance opened his eyes to the reality of God's faithfulness and presence with him even in destruction.

Forgetting is truly detrimental to our being. It has caused a whole lot of trouble in history (as we have surely seen!) 
This whole not being able to remember things sucks, but forgetting who God is, what He's done and who He has made and called me to be-- is even worse. 

May we not be a people that pleads to see a move of God just to forget it.
May we not be a chosen generation who fails to remember his faithfulness in the past and his promise to be faithful to us for the rest of our lives and eternity. 
May we be a people of remembrance and call to mind daily the awe and wonder of the God we've seen-- the God we know.

___________________________________________________
"So each generation should set its hope anew on God,
not forgetting His glorious miracles and obeying his commands.
Then, they will not be like their ancestors--
stubborn, rebellious, and unfaithful,
refusing to give their hearts to God." (Psalm 78:7-8)

Wax Fingers

Atelophobia |a-tel-o-pho-bia|

noun

Fear of not being good enough. Fear of imperfection.

_________________________________________________________

Well, I'll be. They really do have a diagnosis for everything don't they?

Whether we like it or not, I think we're all somewhat fearful that we don't match up to who we think we should be , or what we think others expect of us. 

We could always do more.

Love more.
Laugh more.
Serve more.
Work out more.
Read more.
Save more.
Study more.

And when we fail to meet our own expectations, we bring the hammer to our head for not measuring up to who we think we ought to be.  This is especially true for me.

I constantly find myself stuck in a rut of feeling guilty for not doing more or if I'm not on top of things.

And even though the Bible says that we can't earn God's love or salvation by our works or by praying enough, reading enough, serving enough, exc, I am frequently caught in unbelief, thinking that I can somehow "wow" Him enough to make an exception to that truth. So, in seasons where my prayer life is scattered, my discipline to read my Bible is just not there, and I just don't feel "put together"-- I tend to get really upset with myself because if my works are insufficient or not where they could be, then subconsciously, that equates to God loving me less.

These thoughts were running through my head as I woke up on Monday morning and the more I thought about my unbelief the more I kept questioning, "Why can't I just get it?! This is so elementary-- 10 year olds get this! Why can't I just understand it's not about me and quit doing this?"

So I sulked in bed, like a little baby.


And in the silence between my mumbling, God began to take my mind back to this ridiculous thing I did one time when I was a little girl.

Storytime!
__________________________________________________________ I was about 9 years old and I had just worked up the courage to try out my mom's new Christmas present: a paraffin wax hand dip! If you have no idea what that is, its like, a MEGA Scentsy (but it doesn't smell good) and you stick your whole hand in melted wax to moisturize them and help with hand cramping... or something therapeutic like that. Because I was still nervous to stick my entire hand in this burning wax, I settled for dipping each finger into the pot and boy... I was so proud! One evening, I had just finished one of my "finger treatments" and I removed all of the wax casings of my fingers and had them sprawled out on the floor. Moments later, I heard the ice cream truck music slowly getting louder and louder as the truck came down my street.

" MOOOOM. Mom! Please!!!!!"

(She already knew what was coming...)

"No!"

"......PLEASE!"

No again.

Frantically, I'm running around my house trying to find extra change because dang it, I want some ice cream! Unluckily for me, there was no change in sight.

Overwhelmed and so disappointed, I sat down and sulked because YET AGAIN, the ice cream man would not see my face today.

Then it dawned on me.

"Aaahaaa! Maybe I can trade these wax fingers for an ice cream!! YES!!"

So I put my genius plan into action, swooped up my ten wax finger casings, and ran all the way down the street to find the ice cream truck stopped at the corner. Nearly breathless, I managed to tell the ice cream man my plan of trade.

"Hello! So, I don't have any money. But I was thinkin' that maybe... I could give you these wax fingers... all TEN...for an ice cream bar? It can even be the smallest ice cream you have! Plus, these are my own fingers--Made of wax! Ya know, you can even fit them on your fingers because they're a little stretchy!"

The ice cream man so graciously smiled... then he laughed at me.
"I'm sorry sweetheart, I cant' do that for you. I can only take money."

After a few minutes of trying to convince him it was totally a good trade, I finally walked away, wax fingers and all, back to my house with no ice cream.
_____________________________________________________________________________
After reminiscing on this past time, I began to see why it was He brought my mind to this silly old memory.

At the time, I was really dumbfounded why the ice cream guy didn't think my wax fingers were as cool and valuable as I thought they were! Better yet, in my mind,  it wasn't like I was asking for a HUGE ice cream that was like 6 dollars, no! I would settle for the .50 cent ones if he would just give into the trade! The truth is, I could've stood there for hours, turning blue in the face, pulling out my best tricks, dance moves and songs to try and get myself an ice cream cone, and I still would have got the same reply, "I'm sorry sweetheart, I can only take money."

This is because I wasn't offering the right kind of currency to make the exchange.


In the same way, the currency that we try to offer God, whether it be through our works, our money, or our actions, does not work because it isn't the sufficient currency. It never can be. It's just as ridiculous as trying to give an ice cream man grubby wax molds!

The one and only currency to pay for a rightness with God was the sinless life, death, sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and when we believe in the sufficiency of what He's done, repent of our waywardness, and turn to Jesus and follow Him, His identity becomes ours. That rightness that Jesus has with the Father becomes ours too.

We no longer have to live life in the same way people did in the Old Testament where they had to incessantly go through purifications rituals, animal sacrifices and numerous offerings to temporally atone for sins. But all of those things were merely foreshadows of what Jesus would conquer, complete and restore for all time and for all people.

Hebrews 10:2-7 says:

"For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly

year after year, make perfect those who draw near to worship.

Otherwise, would they not have stopped being offered?

For the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all,

and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins.....

It is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins.

Therefore, when Christ came into the world, he said:'Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but a body you prepared for me;
with burnt offerings and sin offerings
you were not pleased.'
Then I said, ‘Here I am—it is written about me in the scroll—
I have come to do your will, my God."

The only currency worthy enough to purchase our salvation, our rightness and restored relationship with God-- is Jesus and HIS works alone. Human effort has never nor will ever meet the standard of holiness and perfection that God is and requires of those who wish to draw near to Him.

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,  made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved." -Ephesians 2:4-5

It is our faith in Jesus and what He's done that makes us right with God. And because of our faith, good works should flow in combination with and out of faith. Both are essential. (James 2:26) For some reason that childhood memory of trying to pay for ice cream with paraffin pieces showed me the ridiculousness of trying to earn God's love by performing well or having it all together.

I love how simple, yet complex God has made things.
Simple enough for a child to understand, yet complex enough to mask every mind from fully comprehending the wonder of who He is.

True comfort and peace is found when we realize that our insufficiency is no longer counted against us, but that our identity is found and hidden in Jesus.. And all that He is and all that He has done is enough.

Goodbye Atelophobia--Say hello to grace.

Reflections:: Africa (Part 1- Pre Bush)

Base Camp

(Real quick-- Here's some  need to know lingo:

BUSH: a time period where you and your team take the big lovely army truck anywhere from 5-12 hours away from the Base to reach a rural village, pitch tents,  preach the Gospel, and live in the Zambian desert with the locals)

Goodness.
I have been thinking about what to type in this empty space for a month, and I just have no idea how to put the experience into words that could sufficiently explain all that happened in Zambia this summer.

Well, I guess I can start off by saying-- Holy Cow. 


You know how before you do something, you build up a whole lot of expectations for what the experience will be like? Well, I had a ton of expectations of what this trip was going to look like but I couldn't have even begun to anticipate beforehand what God had in store for the us and the Zambians.

A few days before we left for Africa, the scribbles in my journal said mostly phrases such as this:

- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
- What am I going to say?
- Is my testimony even RELATABLE?!
- What if they ask me to speak? I dunno what to SAY!
- I'm scared
- I'm scared
- I'm scared
- Am I even spiritual enough to go?
- Do I know enough scripture?
- WHAT AM I DOING!?

I had no idea what things were going to be like. I have heard many amazing testimonies from missionaries about the wonders they experienced overseas and I was like "Sheesh. These people and God must be TIGHT to have experienced what they have!" I had the picture in my head that in order to be a missionary overseas you had to "have it all together" so to say.

So, that was kind of my mindset going into it- So... I downloaded some books, then bought some books, downloaded a junk ton of podcasts and decided that the whole flight to Africa I would try to cram as much "Jesus" into my mind as I could so that when I got there, I would be 'spirit filled' and equipped with a lot of knowledge about Jesus and the Gospel to share with people. I truly felt that I needed to work really hard to equip myself to be ready to do this ministry and to get to experience the kinds of things that people had told me about, as if I had to deserve them somehow.
(And, you can guess Who wrecked that mentality when I got there.. But that's another story for another blog!) 

After over 24 hours of flying and a lovely 12 hour layover in Germany, we finally reached the land of Zambia! Our AMAZING leaders came and picked us up from the airport and we rode in a large army truck back to the Base Camp. At Base Camp, there were lots of other full time missionaries, part time missionaries, expedition teams, and many students going through a program called Advanced Missions Training. It was seriously so cool to be surrounded by tons of other believers who were truly pressing into the presence of God and seeking His heart constantly. I loved getting to know other people and hear about what they were learning in the season of life they were in.

Not only were the people beautiful, but so was the land surrounding us. 
We were literally sharing the same air as the Zambezi River. The top of the camp overlooked this BEAUTIFUL gorge ( which we also got to hike down! And by we I mean- they (my team) .. I only made it halfway down! Haa.)

One particular morning, bright and early, I got to have some quiet time over looking this beautiful scene. The air was fresh, I could hear the clashing of the waters below me, and these sweet little birds were a chirpin' away. It was oh so peaceful. During my time with the Lord that morning, He began to reveal to me the flaws in the ways that I looked at my relationship with Him.
I was seeing my relationship with Him as severed. As in, we were separate beings. I am a sinner and He is Jesus. End of story.
But that wasn't the end of the story.

That was the BEGINNING of the story!

I was a sinner. Dead in my sins and headed for nothing more than a life of abandonment, loneliness and eternal emptiness.
But then, Jesus began to draw me to Himself, opening my eyes to see that as humans, all we are capable of doing is what is natural to us - Sin. No matter how many "good things" we have done or will do. But God loved us so much that He gave his son Jesus as a sacrifice to become our sin, take the penalty for our sins, and put its' power over us to death.  It is only by believing that His sacrifice was sufficient for my sins and trusting that it is only through Him that I can be made right with God.  And if I am made right with God through Jesus, that would require us to be one, or for some sort of identity exchange to take place. And it did. What is mine is now His, and what is His is now mine. We are ONE! My identity is now in Him and who He is.

Galatians 2:20 explains this exchange perfectly: 
"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me."

Being the visual person I am, I had to draw it out :)

** In this picture, we are two separate people. This relationship would require me to do things by myself, call on Him when I need Him to come to me and help me, and ask and ask and ask until He comes. This is not the relationship I have entered in to.

It is this one:

** In this relationship, Jesus lives in me and I in Him. Because I have received His Spirit by believing He is who he says and that He lived, died and was raised to life by God's power-- I no longer have to strive for Him to come to me-- He is with me. Christ is the head, and I am His hands and His feet-- Where He goes, I go.**


Through these truths, I began to realize that I often tried to live for Jesus by trusting in my own effort-- by being my own salvation. God gently showed me that we were one-- And that I was to continue walking in this journey by trusting not in myself and what I could and could not do, but by "trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me".


With this new truth, I felt a little more assured about being in Africa, because it wouldn't be me at work, but it would be Him. Still I was super afraid. 



Every morning, we would all worship together, pray over one another, speak over one another and just build one another up! I have never experienced anything like this before.

I know in the Bible it talks all about building the church, and after seeing the way this community of believers encouraged and interceded on each other's behalf-- It clicked. 

During our worship and prayers times, there would be multiple people that came up to me and to others and would say, "Hey! God has a word of encouragement for you that He has told me and I would like to speak it over you" or " I feel lead to pray for you" or during worship, somebody would speak up after the song and tell about a revelation that God had given them during the song. These visions and revelations were just so beautiful, pictorial, awe inspiring and so full of truth.  I just kept shaking my head at God saying, "What in the world...This is so friggin cool... YOU are COOL." 

And. It. Just. Got. BETTER!

Before our expedition team left, the whole base prayed over our team. And right in the middle of the prayer, the man leading the prayer ( I forgot his name!) spoke up and said, "Which of you here is afraid?" 

Ha. Crap. THAT would be me! 
Right over here
PRAYING no one will raise their hand and we can move the heck on so I won't be found out!

I just wanted to shrivel up to the floor and crawl on my knees out the door-- I KNEW that was me.

So I awkwardly raise my hand, and a few other people did to. 

"Stand in the middle. We're prayin' that fear away and off of you."

Eeesh. Well alrighty!

So this man and all of our base friends surrounded us and began praying bold things over us commanding that spirit of fear to leave and to never return and all these other things that made me bawl like a baby. But dang- It was so good. In that moment I felt the Lord's presence come over me and bring the very comfort I needed to step forward in faith.
Little did I know that those very prayers lifted up by our friends would be answered in full measure by the Lord on this trip and continue to bear fruit in my life.

He came up to the three of us afterward and he looked at us and said "Now. I want to talk to you when you get back from the bush."

We all nodded our heads in agreement.

Then! Off we went-- 5 hours to reach the village called Siatchitema!

To be continued....
:)

** I will write more stories and more "parts" to this!**

100% Funded!

That's right-- 100% funded!!

No scratch that. It's more like 110%, because not only did God provide exactly the amount I needed, but overflowed the amount. My mind is seriously
BLOWN.
AWAY.

It's been what feels like such a long, fundraising journey, but really—its only been about 3 ½ months.
3 ½ months to raise $5,000. This seemed absolutely impossible to me, but the Lord assured me it was not!
I want to share with you the story of how God provided in all of this.
I know this might be a little bit long and exhausting to read, but I cannot CONTAIN the joy and wonder I am experiencing through God's provision of this trip – And I want you to experience it with me :)

The cool thing is, is that this trip is not only for me or for the team members going, but the trip in and of itself, it is an investment into the Kingdom of Heaven whether you are the missionary being sent, the giver supporting the missionary, the prayer warrior fighting behind the scenes for souls to be won over, or the humble servant who gave their time up to support and build up the team. In the end, it doesn't matter which role you played – The end result is MORE people coming to know Jesus and His love for them, and that is all that matters. So, I am so glad that we have gotten to go on this journey together and will get to see all of the marvelous things God has planned for the people in Zambia!

Okay, where do I start.
How about the "I think I'm going to go to Zambia" part?

So! I wanted to go to Africa a few years back, but things never really panned out or worked out. About 2 years ago, I heard of an organization called Overland Missions and some people told me about their experiences and I automatically thought, "Dang! I wanna go do that!" But I didn't have a group to go with and again, nothing really panned out. At the beginning of this year, I started thinking about what I wanted to do for the summer. I looked into different mission trips and church camps, but AGAIN—Nothing worked out. So, I just decided I would take some summer classes and stay and work in Portales for the entire summer. Well, I had a friend come and talk to me one time about his experience in Zambia and it sounded absolutely incredible. "Wow I really want to go.." I thought to myself, but then I thought about how ridiculous that sounded and brushed the thought away. Months later, I went to Do Drop In to get some coffee and read my bible and as I was reading, I overheard two people talking to someone I knew about making investments into the Kingdom of God by giving of our time, money and efforts. (I pretty much pretended I was reading my bible, but I was really eavesdropping on their conversation because I was so intrigued!). Immediately after my friend left, I was like, "Dang! I really need to go meet these people!" So, I walked over to Brandy and Casey O'Connor (who are now my leaders for the trip) and introduced myself and we just got to talking and they were incredibly encouraging! Brandy, then invited me to an Overland Conference that was taking place that next weekend and she really encouraged me to go. I was so excited when I left, and then as the date approached for the conference, I started backing out of my decision to go to the conference. Two days before the conference, I made up my mind… "I'm NOT going." Later that night, I ran into a friend who has been to Zambia before (but whom I usually don't see). He asked (rather, STRONGLY encouraged) me to go to the conference. I got really excited about it and decided I would go, but then,  ya know, the next day I decided again— "I'm NOT going." Finally, the day of the conference, my friend Haleigh asked me if I would go with her to the conference and I finally decided I would go for sure. I got to the conference and I was just, in awe. Hearing about the vision of Overland to reach the nations and making Kingdom investments just rocked my world! I was deeply moved yet, I was still hesitant about going on a trip, but deep down in my heart I knew I needed to go. I didn't really even want to necessarily, but I felt moved to. Right after the service, Brandy ran up to me and said, "Well! Are you coming or what?!" I looked at her with very confused eyes and said, "Ayyye. I don't know :( " Then she told me, "I just keep hearing ONE word in my head over and over, and that is faith." And with that, I decided to pick up an application and go for it. I mean I'm 20, single, and I have a passport and an open summer. Why not? And if God doesn't want me to go, I won't right?

 Fast forward a few weeks—I got accepted to go on the trip and the fundraising process began—90 days before the money was due. Usually on missions trips, you start fundraising a long time in advance to assure the money is in on time—well not this time! I looked on the website at the meter that told me how much money I had raised, which showed a long empty meter with thousands of dollars to be raised in a short amount of time. I sighed a big ole sigh of discouragement and then I heard the Lord speak to my heart, "Take a picture of it. And watch me FILL IT." Uhh, seriously? I'm really gonna look like an idiot if I do and this meter never gets filled and I don't go. But, again I heard Brandy's 'word' come into my head: faith.

Towards the beginning of the fundraising process, I found out that I had to have $200 in within the first week, and I ended up just using my own money to pay for it since I hadn't begun telling people about it yet! Shortly after, I made some newsletters to send out to all of my friends and family, and then I realized it was going to cost me and arm and a leg to print all of them out in color and buy envelopes and buy stamps. Sigh. Then randomly, a super charming young man [You know who you are ;)] made copies of my newsletters, had them printed in color, stuffed all the envelopes, and bought stamps so they could be sent out.
After the letters were sent out and a link posted on Facebook, different people were moved by the Lord to give—and very generously. Slowly but surely, the money started coming in.
Sometimes there were days where I would be super discouraged because I hadn't received money in weeks, and then I would check the mail and there would be the exact amount I needed to keep up with my financial goals. As the deadline came closer, a very generous man gave me $500… and that same week, one of our family friends called me up and told me that the Lord had laid it on her heart to pay for the rest of my trip. AAAHHmazing! So with that, I turned in the rest of my money. Even after I turned my money in, more was coming in! Thankfully, that next week we found out that our plane ticket price was going to go up a few hundred dollars. Yet! I had the perfect amount of money left over to spend on the ticket out of the overflow of other's giving. Then, I found out I needed to take about $300 with me to get visas and for extra spending money, but I had no more money left. By this time, I went on vacation for a week, and when I got back, three people just happen to donate $100. AGAIN—amazed! So then, I got my financial report back saying all the money was in and the flight was booked! At that moment, I remembered the picture that the Lord told me to take at the very beginning of this process, and so I took another!

Oh yes! And remember the $200 I paid out of pocket in the very beginning? Well... This morning I got a call from my Nanny telling me one of her friends woke up this morning and the Lord put it on her heart to donate $200. Good grief... Down to the last PENNY God provided every single bit of it. How precise and detailed He is! 

It just amazes me at how I sometimes underestimate God's provision and what He is capable of doing. Heck, he could have raised all that money in one day! But I am just so wowed that He would use something such as raising money stretch my own and other's faith and prove to be so faithful in equipping me with what I needed to go where He called.

Thank you to everyone who has supported our team financially, spiritually and in every other way. Thank you for being one of God's instruments in reaching the nations and even for helping me grow in my walk with the Lord. This whole process has opened my eyes to how God will provide for His kiddos and prove to be faithful, each and every time.

Stepping into Freedom

Good gosh. This morning has been rough.

From the moment my eyes opened when I woke up this morning, my heart has weighed heavy and consumed by feelings of despair. The " I don’t want to get out of my bed, can't stop crying, can't clear my brain because I feel totally, 100% defeated and crushed" kind of feelings. 

What force could have such power to debilitate a person to where they feel like they cannot see or think straight, that they cannot move forward, and that they have no hope?

fear |fi(ə)r|

noun

a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc. whether it be real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Fear.

We’ve all felt it, we’ve all been sucked under its current, we’ve based decisions off of it, and we’ve allowed it to become a part of our identity.

Fear calls us to hide and conceal—convincing us that unless we do that, we will be discovered and rejected. Its plan is to cause our vision to close in and focus solely on it-- on fear and on self.

Fear constantly asks, “What if"?

It comes knocking on our doors in moments of pure happiness and tries to convince us that this joy won’t last, that it isn’t real, and that it is sure to come to ruins quickly. It comes to us in moments of mourning and despair and whispers in our ears that we will never leave that place of sadness—that there is no hope of relief. It comes to us in moments of insecurity and magnifies it. Fear tries to convince us to believe that we are utterly worthless.

Well what is this  “fear”? Who is the source of it and how much power does it REALLY have?

Well first, I can tell you what fear is NOT.

1 John 4:18 says:
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

So if fear is not love, than who is?

1 John 4:8 says:
“But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”

SO! Fear is not of God, in fact, God’s love is aimed at destroying it by casting it out.  According to 1 John 4:18, fear has to do with punishment—with doom. 

And who on Earth would want to make us feel that daunting emotion?

John 8:44 says this about the devil:

“He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

John 10:10 also refers to the devil as a thief who has come only to “kill, steal and destroy”.

The devil's purpose So now that the SOURCE of fear is established, how much power does fear actually have over us?

 Matthew 28:18 says:
“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority under heaven and Earth has been given to me”

Then, in turn, Jesus gives US that same authority over evil when he says in Luke 10:18-19:
“....I was watching Satan fall from heaven like lightning. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.”

That's just it-- He HAS no power! God has given us every resource, every weapon and every power to defeat and overcome the enemy—including fear.

Though it is an easy current to get sucked into and it can be so enticing to give into, fear is a lie. It lies about who we are, who others are, our future and how secure our hope is.

Again, fear constantly asks, “What if?”

But GOD asks: “What IS?”
What IS true about what I say about you? About others?

What IS true about your hope and future?
What IS true about who I’ve called you to be?

What is true is that

·      ~I have been fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)

·      ~I was and am fully and completely known before I even came into existence (Jeremiah 1:5)

·     ~ I am LOVED with a love that is forever lasting, relentless, and unending (Jeremiah 31:3)

·      ~God’s goodness will not stop (Jeremiah 32:40)

·     ~ The plans for my future are good, not aimed to cause me harm (Jeremiah 29:11)

·     ~ Because I am a servant of the Lord, no weapon or word formed against me shall prosper. (Isaiah 54:17) 
    ~  I have been called to be a part of a chosen people, a holy priesthood, and God’s OWN special possession and I have been called out of darkness and into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9)

The list goes on and on and on and on all throughout God’s word.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve allowed fear to dominate your thoughts, control your decisions and even make its temporary residence in your heart.

But God has called us to such a higher quality of life. A life not lived in fear of what *might* happen, the hurt we *might* experience, the decisions we *might* have to make, what the future *might* hold, exc. As God’s children we have been rescued and delivered from a life controlled by fear. In fact, we’ve even been called out of that life.

2 Timothy 2:7 says:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”


Galatians 5:1 says:

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

Yes, we’ve been called to freedom.

freedom |ˈfrēdəm|

noun

1. the state of being physically unrestricted and able to move easily.

2. the absence of subjection to foreign dominance

It is good to remember that THIS is the life we have been called to: Freedom. 

Freedom in Christ, who is He and who He has called us to be. Not a life held down and restricted by fear and by worries about what is to come, but a life lived without chains to move freely, wholeheartedly and unafraid towards the One whose love is ever perfect, and without flaw or failure. This ability, and privilege is found in the name of Jesus- and He has called you, and me, to be free. 

"So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." 
-John 8:36