Stepping into Freedom

Good gosh. This morning has been rough.

From the moment my eyes opened when I woke up this morning, my heart has weighed heavy and consumed by feelings of despair. The " I don’t want to get out of my bed, can't stop crying, can't clear my brain because I feel totally, 100% defeated and crushed" kind of feelings. 

What force could have such power to debilitate a person to where they feel like they cannot see or think straight, that they cannot move forward, and that they have no hope?

fear |fi(ə)r|

noun

a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc. whether it be real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Fear.

We’ve all felt it, we’ve all been sucked under its current, we’ve based decisions off of it, and we’ve allowed it to become a part of our identity.

Fear calls us to hide and conceal—convincing us that unless we do that, we will be discovered and rejected. Its plan is to cause our vision to close in and focus solely on it-- on fear and on self.

Fear constantly asks, “What if"?

It comes knocking on our doors in moments of pure happiness and tries to convince us that this joy won’t last, that it isn’t real, and that it is sure to come to ruins quickly. It comes to us in moments of mourning and despair and whispers in our ears that we will never leave that place of sadness—that there is no hope of relief. It comes to us in moments of insecurity and magnifies it. Fear tries to convince us to believe that we are utterly worthless.

Well what is this  “fear”? Who is the source of it and how much power does it REALLY have?

Well first, I can tell you what fear is NOT.

1 John 4:18 says:
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

So if fear is not love, than who is?

1 John 4:8 says:
“But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”

SO! Fear is not of God, in fact, God’s love is aimed at destroying it by casting it out.  According to 1 John 4:18, fear has to do with punishment—with doom. 

And who on Earth would want to make us feel that daunting emotion?

John 8:44 says this about the devil:

“He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

John 10:10 also refers to the devil as a thief who has come only to “kill, steal and destroy”.

The devil's purpose So now that the SOURCE of fear is established, how much power does fear actually have over us?

 Matthew 28:18 says:
“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority under heaven and Earth has been given to me”

Then, in turn, Jesus gives US that same authority over evil when he says in Luke 10:18-19:
“....I was watching Satan fall from heaven like lightning. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.”

That's just it-- He HAS no power! God has given us every resource, every weapon and every power to defeat and overcome the enemy—including fear.

Though it is an easy current to get sucked into and it can be so enticing to give into, fear is a lie. It lies about who we are, who others are, our future and how secure our hope is.

Again, fear constantly asks, “What if?”

But GOD asks: “What IS?”
What IS true about what I say about you? About others?

What IS true about your hope and future?
What IS true about who I’ve called you to be?

What is true is that

·      ~I have been fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)

·      ~I was and am fully and completely known before I even came into existence (Jeremiah 1:5)

·     ~ I am LOVED with a love that is forever lasting, relentless, and unending (Jeremiah 31:3)

·      ~God’s goodness will not stop (Jeremiah 32:40)

·     ~ The plans for my future are good, not aimed to cause me harm (Jeremiah 29:11)

·     ~ Because I am a servant of the Lord, no weapon or word formed against me shall prosper. (Isaiah 54:17) 
    ~  I have been called to be a part of a chosen people, a holy priesthood, and God’s OWN special possession and I have been called out of darkness and into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9)

The list goes on and on and on and on all throughout God’s word.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve allowed fear to dominate your thoughts, control your decisions and even make its temporary residence in your heart.

But God has called us to such a higher quality of life. A life not lived in fear of what *might* happen, the hurt we *might* experience, the decisions we *might* have to make, what the future *might* hold, exc. As God’s children we have been rescued and delivered from a life controlled by fear. In fact, we’ve even been called out of that life.

2 Timothy 2:7 says:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”


Galatians 5:1 says:

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

Yes, we’ve been called to freedom.

freedom |ˈfrēdəm|

noun

1. the state of being physically unrestricted and able to move easily.

2. the absence of subjection to foreign dominance

It is good to remember that THIS is the life we have been called to: Freedom. 

Freedom in Christ, who is He and who He has called us to be. Not a life held down and restricted by fear and by worries about what is to come, but a life lived without chains to move freely, wholeheartedly and unafraid towards the One whose love is ever perfect, and without flaw or failure. This ability, and privilege is found in the name of Jesus- and He has called you, and me, to be free. 

"So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." 
-John 8:36

Fundraising Update!

First of all, I must tell you how in awe I am of the ways that God has provided for this trip in just a matter of weeks! So far,  a little over $3,000 has come in out of the $4,800 needed to go on the trip. BAH! I am overwhelmed by the generous support and giving of many friends, family and community members who have invested their time and finances into making this trip possible. I wanted to thank you for first and foremost, for saying "Yes!" to the Lord by going into all the nations and proclaiming His name through your giving. You are just as much a part of our team that will be bringing the name of Jesus to many! So wooohoo! Secondly, I thank you for supporting me and making it possible for me to go on this expedition. And last but certainly not least, thank you SOO much for your continuous prayer for myself and our team as we prepare to go to Zambia and walk into what the Lord has for us, the believers and the unreached over in Africa. I believe that prayer is essential and has POWER! 

Ah.

Thank you for allowing the Lord to use you as a tool of His provision for this trip, and even as a tool to help increase my faith in HIS faithfulness. Through this fundraising process God has shown me time and time again how faithful He is to provide for every-single-one of our needs, and that not one of them goes unnoticed. And I believe He will provide the rest of the money for me to go! 

With this being said, I have approximately $1,800 more to go before I am fully funded! I have to have this amount in by June 1st!

IF you would like to give financially:

1. You can donate online by going to http://www.overlandmissions.com/. When you arrive at the page, if you look on the right side, there is a 'Donate' button. Fill out the donation application and place "Kaitlin Kirkpatrick" in the Donation Memo portion.

 OR

2. You can donate by mail! Please message me for my address :)

AGAIN! Thank you so much for all of your support! I will keep updates on the fundraising process along with the progress of the expedition!

Harvesting a Heart of Faith

Do you ever get stuck inside your own head?
Like- literally fixated in the same web of thoughts that you cannot seem to break free from?

It's so annoying.

Thought after thought, worry after worry, fear after fear, fret after fret-- swirling through every canal and crevice of your mind, until your mental ability to think is on lock down. And then you realize, "Holy cow, I've been looking at the same object for 30 minutes yet, have managed to mentally visit every 'what if' in my BRAIN."

It's exhausting--and crazy if you think about it. The power we allow our thoughts and fears that may not even be existing realities, to take dominance over our physical, emotional and spiritual health. Nuts!

 And I'm all too guilty of doing it- all. the. time. I was sitting at work this morning, staring at my desk (probably cross eyed) for a grand total of 45 minutes exhausting every option of what "could" happen with all the current changes taking place in this season of life. Well, after I realized what a DOWNER I was being, I tried focusing on something else but my mood just sucked after my all too depressing 'thinking' session. I was frequently annoyed with people that came in, had tears rolling at the front of my eyes with every frustrating thought, and I was just altogether a mess!

The reality of it was, in the physical realm- Nothing even happened. I became overwhelmed with a false sense of reality that I convinced myself was real.

That's the stupid thing about fear. (Well, everything about it is stupid- But you know what I mean)
It makes things a way bigger deal than they are.
Why??
Because it is false.

And I hear the voice of my mother every time I say this--

"Kaitlin, what is fear?"

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

Fear calls us to come and hide in the darkness of the unknown. To sit and wonder about all the unseen things that 'could' be lurking around.

But the defense to fear is faith. 

Hebrews 11:1 says that,"faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."

Fear gives apprehension of what we can't see, but faith gives us assurance of what we can't see.


And that really didn't make any sense until I gave it a try.

In the midst of the process of winding webs of fear, I opened my devotional to today's date and it said these words :
"The best response is a heart overflowing with gratitude. I am training you to cultivate a thankful mindset."

No offense, but the last thing I want to do is be grateful and thankful-- Honestly, I kind of want to keep spinning around in circles because in the most ODD way- It's comforting. Sometimes it's easier to fear and try to obsessively plan for every in and out of  the unknown instead of trusting the One who knows it all.

So I decided to try the thankful thing, and I just began thanking God for the process that He is taking me through for His faithfulness through the many processes in the past. And as I continued to bring those truths to the forefront of my mind, it was incredible the shift in my thoughts. By speaking truths and thanking Him in faith for what He has done and for who He is, I began feeling assured that I would be taken care of and that in the midst of the change, He would be faithful as He always has.

I don't get why I choose fear more than I chose faith, because God has given us every reason to trust Him. But thank the Lord that He is not finished yet!

Africa? I think YES!

That's right! 

Zambia, Africa!

A few months ago, I went to an Overland Missions Conference here in Portales and the Lord really placed it on my heart to go on an expedition to Zambia, Africa this summer. It was definitely something I was not expecting, but now I am most certainly looking forward to it!! 

I wanted to go to Africa about 3 years ago but I wasn't able to find an organization nor a group of people to go with. But now, the opportunity has presented itself once more and its -- happening! I am beyond stoked to see the things the Lord has planned for this country and the hearts He desires to minister to and REACH with His love. 

The organization I am going with, Overland Missions, is all about reaching the most neglected and remote people of the world with the Gospel and empowering the third world church by raising up strong leaders to continue investing into the lives of locals. My team will be focusing on exploring new regions, building lasting relationships with the villagers, and empowering the local churches to reach their own people. 

I have to raise $4,800 by June 1st at the latest. I know this is a lofty amount in a short amount of time, but I also know that where God leads us to go, He ALWAYS provides the way to get there. So I believe wholeheartedly that He will bring forth every penny. 

I am asking for help with financial and prayer support! This is not merely an opportunity to give to a missions fund, but ultimately an opportunity to invest into the Kingdom of Heaven and be a part of God's work in reaching the people of Zambia and throughout the Earth! 

Any amount that you feel led to give is appreciated!! :) 

If you would like to give, there are two options:

1. You can donate online by going to http://www.overlandmissions.com/. When you arrive at the page, if you look on the right side, there is a 'Donate' button. Fill out the donation application and place "Kaitlin Kirkpatrick" in the Donation Memo portion.

 OR

2. You can donate by mail! Please message me for details on this one :)

Not only is financial support necessary, but also prayer support. If you would please keep myself and my team in your prayers as we go to Zambia to share the message of Jesus, that would be absolutely wonderful.

I am STOKED to see all that God has in store for this summer and for the region of Zambia--It's going to be amazing!! 

What's It Gonna Cost Me?

What a beautiful Sunday it has been! It's so ironic how most of New Mexico was layered up and in snow boots last week and in shorts today-- I love it!

But what I  have loved most about today is-- washing dishes. 

We quite the load of dirty dishes so I had about 1 hour of cleaning to do, but I got to spend it talking with Jesus about different things-- silly things, dumb things, scary things and things that hurt. And it was just sweet.

To be able to talk with the One who understands us wholly and completely, without fear of being rejected or misunderstood is a beautiful, beautiful privilege we have in our relationship with Jesus.

And what God showed me during this time of scrub-a-dubbin is that ENJOYING the relationship we have with Jesus is something we often overlook or miss. We can get so caught up in the rut of life and the "duty" of "religion" that we forget to enjoy Him and what He's done. 

I was thinking about people that I know in my life who have such a deep and intimate relationship with Jesus that whenever I see them, I just see His face in theirs and His spirit is so overwhelming. I look at people like that who are so overcome by His Spirit that I just can't help but want it! 

So I told God that I wanted that.

"God, I just want to be close to you-- As close as I can get. 

 And I've made up my mind. SO. 

What's it gonna cost me?"

Because everything comes with a cost, right? 

I have to earn it somehow. I have to overcome a certain trial or a long list of tough circumstances or spend this amount of time praying about it and once I do that, then I will have more of His Spirit, a deeper sense of His presence and then be closer to Him... right?

But His words were so much sweeter than that, and the response was so much more simple..

"I've already paid that cost, Kaitlin." 

Dang. And then I started to really think about it:

Jesus has already done EVERYTHING He could to get close to me--to get close to you. Everything. He held nothing back when He gave His life to restore our relationship.

Before Jesus, people had to make sacrifice after sacrifice and follow law after law to even come near His presence. Not only that, but they couldn't enter the Tabernacle or the Temple unless they underwent special and specific preparation-- Because God is holy and we are not.

But when Jesus came, His mission was to restore that relationship that God intended for us to have from the beginning-- Like the one He had with Adam and Eve before sin entered the world. To talk face to face, to walk next to each other, to laugh, to hug, and just be together. But none of that was POSSIBLE because our sinful nature separates us from God. 

But Jesus gave His life so that we could have access to Him, be in relationship with Him and be wholly and completely satisfied in our new right standing with Him.

"God made him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we may be the righteousness of God."

-2 Cor. 2:51

He paid the price so that we could be close to Him. When we believe in what He has done, we ARE the righteousness of God. We have access to Him now-- Just as we are! 

We can hear his voice, feel His smile, have His spirit inhabited within us--giving us guidance, strength and comfort. 

Jesus already PAID the cost for us to be close with him. Doesn't that change everything? Because He has already done everything He could to get close to me, it is ME standing in the way of the intimacy I could have with Him. 

I think the picture at the top explains it perfectly, our privilege is to enjoy His presence. Being with Him shouldn't be a duty, a chore, or something to mark off on a checklist. It's our privilege and delight to continue drawing closer and closer to Him until we take our last breath, and finally get to see Him face to face.

Until then, I think this life is a journey of getting rid of that space between us and Him and constantly seeking to be as close as we can to a God who wholly satisfies.

Fix Your Eyes On Jesus

"It's not about you."

Gaaaaaahhh. Out of all the phrases in the English language, this one has proven to be my LEAST favorite. 

Until like two seconds ago. 

Most of the time, when I hear this phrase, it is usually when I'm complaining about my issues and things that are not happening in my life (and I obviously want them to). And then, to top it all off, someone mentions the four words of doom and my blood begins to boil... 

BUT I WANT IT TO BE ABOUT ME, DONT YOU GET IT?!

Though this phrase is mostly mentioned when it comes to talking about our insignificant wants compared to God's plan and glory, I never realized this phrase plays a huge part in our faith & salvation. 

<--------- 

** Before I continue, I've got to recommend this book to... everyone. Yeah, it's pretty girly lookin' but, sheesh, it's so good. I've been squealing and crying and laughing all at the same time. In this book, Elyse really shines a light on the truth of the gospel and talks about how we go about living about our Christian walk while totally leaving Jesus and what he has done out of it. **

In a chapter in this book, Elyse brought out a story from the Old Testament which I always found... strange. Let me give you a recap of the madness.

Numbers 21:4-9 tells about the Israelites who **once again** complain and grumble against God during their misery-filled wandering through the desert. After so many, "I hate you's and I hate my life's", God sent poisonous snakes among the people and some were bitten and died. After many people start dropping to their death, the Israelites start begging Moses, "We have sinned against the Lord and you. Pray that God takes them away." In other words, "Make Him STOP!!" 

So, like you do, God tells Moses to make a bronze snake and attach it to the pole. Then, he proceeds to tell the Israelites that anyone who was bitten by the snakes could look at the bronze snake and be healed.

Hmmmm. Interesting, God. That makes no sense. But hey! It worked! All the Israelites had to do was just LOOK at it. They acknowledged that they were wrong & sinful and God provided them with a redemptive solution. 

Later on...

In the New Testament (John 3:14-15), Jesus talks to a man named Nichodemus, a Pharisee, about the Kingdom of God. Nichodemus approaches Jesus by saying that he believes Jesus was sent to teach them and it is obvious that God was with Jesus. Hmm. Sounds like a good answer? But it wasn't good enough. Jesus goes on to tell him that to enter the Kingdom of God, one must be born again and that He was sent down to save mankind-- and it was ONLY through Him that salvation could happen. Then, Jesus says, "And as Moses lifted up the bronze snake on a pole in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, so that everyone who believes in Him will have eternal life."

I never comprehended the correlation between these two passages. 

As humans, we have ALL been "bitten" or infected by sin. It has been in our bloodstream from birth and no one is exempt from it. Often times, we (especially I) look at people and say, "At least I'm not like THAT" or "At least I don't sin like THAT" failing to recognize we ourselves have been bit  and infected by the SAME venom (sin) that eventually kills and destroys us.

But I never viewed the redemption process like it mentions biblically. 

Jesus mentions that just like the Israelites were brought to restoration by simply looking at the bronze snake uplifted on the pole, OUR eternal redemption is found by fixing our eyes the One who was put to death for our trespasses and was resurrected for our healing--for our redemption. He and He alone can cleanse us from our disease. 

In the book mentioned above, Elyse gives a few fictional scenarios of infected Israelites that had been bitten. Some might have looked at their bite and thought, "My wound is too big and infected to be healed. There is no hope for me, so I might as well not even look." Another may have thought, "My wound really isn't that bad. I, personally, didn't complain against God, maybe my wound will just make me ill instead of kill me like the others." In both scenarios, both individuals were solely focused on the wound instead of the Healer. If they had only realized it was not about their wound! In the end, no matter what the wound looked like, one look at the pole would have totally restored them.  But instead, they died looking at their wounds.

It is not about me.

It is not about my wounds. 

Those words have never been more comforting in my LIFE! It is not about my efforts to make myself right with God. It has nothing to do with how nasty the wound may be. It is not about what I'm struggling with right now. It is not about what I have done, what I have not done, who I am, who I will be, the mistakes I've made, the mistakes I will make... 

It's about Jesus.

For it is HE who holds the power to restore my soul. My lengthy yet pathetic apologies will never "soften him up" to accept me or forgive me. It is only by "trusting in the Son of God who loved [us] and gave himself for [us]" (Gal. 2:20) that we find freedom and redemption of our sins, failures, and shortcomings. It is by fixing our eyes on Jesus that we realize His power makes us whole by making us ONE with Him, placing us IN Him to where our identity is His. 

Just one look.

He makes it sound so simple!

A.W. Tozer writes:

"Faith is the gaze of the soul upon a saving God...Faith is the least self-reguarding of the virtues. It is by its very nature scarcely conscious of its own existence. Like the eye which sees everything in front of it and never sees itself, faith is occupied with the Object upon which it rests and pays no attention to itself at all."

I never thought these words would come out of my mouth (fingers), but

Thank the Lord,

it is not about me.   

True Love Lives.

There are so many things being posted about this little significant piece of jewelry right here lately, and I thought I would write about what I have contemplated about them. 

First of all, I've owned like 6 in my life time from the point I was about 13 when I decided I wanted a "no boyfriend ring" in middle school. They have always been so special to me. I've dreamed about wearing a True Love Waits ring all the way up until a future spouse proposed to me and could replace it with a real one. And then on our wedding night I would give him the ring and tell him, " I have waited for you all these years...."

And then about a year and a half ago I decided I didn't want to wear it anymore. 

Noo, not because I didn't want to be pure anymore, but because at about that time, one of my biggest dreams had just fell through the floor, and the little piece of metal was a part of it. 

Most girls would agree that ever since the moment we fixed our eyes on some princess movie with a beautiful prince and a dazzling wedding dress we have remained in angst saying, "GOSH I can't WAIT to be MARRIIIIEEEDD!!!"Oh, the way he looked at her when she walked down the aisle, ah, can't wait. 

Along with many other young women, my ultimate desire and dream for the past 19 1/2 (almost 20!) years of my life, was to be married. To have that special guy to love. To be in love. To be adored. To have a constant companion. To have a special moment at the altar exchanging vows. To give myself totally over to him knowing that I had waited for him to arrive in my life. To finally be secure.

And one day, he walked through the door and straight in to my heart. I swore up and down that he was THE guy I was going to marry. Confident! It was as if God had just dropped him on my lap and given him to me. He loved Jesus, I loved Jesus, we both wanted to serve Jesus--together. We laughed together, cried together, made incredible memories. It was perfect.

What I thought would end in marriage ended in two gut wrenching break ups that crushed the both of us in many ways. Yet both times, through the pain and through the tears, we knew that it was totally on purpose, and totally God's plan for our lives and for His glory. 

Though there was freedom in obedience to God's will, my dreams of a dazzling wedding dress, a Pinterest perfect wedding, a friggin' awesome husband and rockin' marriage kind of shriveled up and faded. I was incredibly discouraged. I always heard songs about people experiencing a broken dream and  meanwhile PRAYING "God, PLEASE don't let me go through that, PLEASE don't take this from me." 

But it happened. 

And NOW I have to actually WAIT for God to bring Mr. Right into my life.

Boy. Oh. Boy. Can't wait. Hip. Hip. Hooray. 

((And that is where those little rings come in to play))

Now, I am not saying that I think purity rings are bad by ANY means. For many people ( myself included) they serve as symbols to God that the bearer of the ring is wholly committed to dedicating themselves to the Lord for his purposes and serve as a reminder that they love God and desire to be pure and holy before Him. 

However. The idea of "waiting for my future husband" has begun to lose its hype for me. 

First of all, 

It's DEPRESSING.

"Dang it, now I'm single. That means I am not in a relationship. Oh! That must mean that during this time of singleness, I must prepare to be the woman my future husband will need someday. I will become more domestic! Maybe a better cook? Probably should learn to do laundry right. Read lots of marriage books? Check! Ah... When my true love gets here, life will start. We can do all these neat things TOGETHER! After all, true love WAITS for one another right?"(These are Kaitlin's thoughts BTW)

Okay, so I exaggerated a little but what I am essentially saying is the thought of waiting for my true love to come so that  life can finally start doesn't sound... fun. In fact,  it sounds boring!

Is marriage TRULY all that I am living for? If that is the case, I feel that I will incredibly disappointed when someday, I am married and it is not worthy of being the MAIN goal of my entire existence. 

I exist BECAUSE of true love.

His name is Jesus. 

And I met him August 30th, 2008 when He revealed to me how much He truly loved and wanted me. 

He is ultimately true love.

The truth of the matter is, true love doesn't wait, true love LIVES! The ultimate act of true love took place when Jesus died and gave His life for SINNERS. When he allowed us to get rid of our lives of emptiness, shame and failure and trade it for a life of fulfillment, grace and love through HIS spirit. IT is HIS spirit that lives in those who have chosen to accept & follow Him. And because true love lives, I also live too. 

Singleness doesn't equal life stagnancy. With Jesus, whether you're single, in a relationship, or married you are FILLED and BLESSED with the ability to live life.

This whole escapade is not against purity rings or True Love Waits, it's against the idea that while you are single, you are in the waiting room for life to officially start getting good and exciting when you're husband walks in.  

I don't know about you, but when I meet my husband, my hearts desire is not that he would say, "I've been waiting for you all this time. I haven't moved, haven't taken really any risks, gone anywhere, or really done anything cool because, well, I've been waiting for you!"

B.O.R.I.N.G.

I want to be able to say, "Baby, I have lived it UP! I've had a ball, done crazy and stupid things, taken lots of pictures, made lots of friends, made some dumb decisions, made some really wise decisions, been through heaven, hell and back and I am ready to keep going!" 

Moral of the story:

Don't wait for true love, 

Get to know Him right now. 

And let His love and wonder push you to live life to the very fullest.