Fix Your Eyes On Jesus

"It's not about you."

Gaaaaaahhh. Out of all the phrases in the English language, this one has proven to be my LEAST favorite. 

Until like two seconds ago. 

Most of the time, when I hear this phrase, it is usually when I'm complaining about my issues and things that are not happening in my life (and I obviously want them to). And then, to top it all off, someone mentions the four words of doom and my blood begins to boil... 

BUT I WANT IT TO BE ABOUT ME, DONT YOU GET IT?!

Though this phrase is mostly mentioned when it comes to talking about our insignificant wants compared to God's plan and glory, I never realized this phrase plays a huge part in our faith & salvation. 

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** Before I continue, I've got to recommend this book to... everyone. Yeah, it's pretty girly lookin' but, sheesh, it's so good. I've been squealing and crying and laughing all at the same time. In this book, Elyse really shines a light on the truth of the gospel and talks about how we go about living about our Christian walk while totally leaving Jesus and what he has done out of it. **

In a chapter in this book, Elyse brought out a story from the Old Testament which I always found... strange. Let me give you a recap of the madness.

Numbers 21:4-9 tells about the Israelites who **once again** complain and grumble against God during their misery-filled wandering through the desert. After so many, "I hate you's and I hate my life's", God sent poisonous snakes among the people and some were bitten and died. After many people start dropping to their death, the Israelites start begging Moses, "We have sinned against the Lord and you. Pray that God takes them away." In other words, "Make Him STOP!!" 

So, like you do, God tells Moses to make a bronze snake and attach it to the pole. Then, he proceeds to tell the Israelites that anyone who was bitten by the snakes could look at the bronze snake and be healed.

Hmmmm. Interesting, God. That makes no sense. But hey! It worked! All the Israelites had to do was just LOOK at it. They acknowledged that they were wrong & sinful and God provided them with a redemptive solution. 

Later on...

In the New Testament (John 3:14-15), Jesus talks to a man named Nichodemus, a Pharisee, about the Kingdom of God. Nichodemus approaches Jesus by saying that he believes Jesus was sent to teach them and it is obvious that God was with Jesus. Hmm. Sounds like a good answer? But it wasn't good enough. Jesus goes on to tell him that to enter the Kingdom of God, one must be born again and that He was sent down to save mankind-- and it was ONLY through Him that salvation could happen. Then, Jesus says, "And as Moses lifted up the bronze snake on a pole in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, so that everyone who believes in Him will have eternal life."

I never comprehended the correlation between these two passages. 

As humans, we have ALL been "bitten" or infected by sin. It has been in our bloodstream from birth and no one is exempt from it. Often times, we (especially I) look at people and say, "At least I'm not like THAT" or "At least I don't sin like THAT" failing to recognize we ourselves have been bit  and infected by the SAME venom (sin) that eventually kills and destroys us.

But I never viewed the redemption process like it mentions biblically. 

Jesus mentions that just like the Israelites were brought to restoration by simply looking at the bronze snake uplifted on the pole, OUR eternal redemption is found by fixing our eyes the One who was put to death for our trespasses and was resurrected for our healing--for our redemption. He and He alone can cleanse us from our disease. 

In the book mentioned above, Elyse gives a few fictional scenarios of infected Israelites that had been bitten. Some might have looked at their bite and thought, "My wound is too big and infected to be healed. There is no hope for me, so I might as well not even look." Another may have thought, "My wound really isn't that bad. I, personally, didn't complain against God, maybe my wound will just make me ill instead of kill me like the others." In both scenarios, both individuals were solely focused on the wound instead of the Healer. If they had only realized it was not about their wound! In the end, no matter what the wound looked like, one look at the pole would have totally restored them.  But instead, they died looking at their wounds.

It is not about me.

It is not about my wounds. 

Those words have never been more comforting in my LIFE! It is not about my efforts to make myself right with God. It has nothing to do with how nasty the wound may be. It is not about what I'm struggling with right now. It is not about what I have done, what I have not done, who I am, who I will be, the mistakes I've made, the mistakes I will make... 

It's about Jesus.

For it is HE who holds the power to restore my soul. My lengthy yet pathetic apologies will never "soften him up" to accept me or forgive me. It is only by "trusting in the Son of God who loved [us] and gave himself for [us]" (Gal. 2:20) that we find freedom and redemption of our sins, failures, and shortcomings. It is by fixing our eyes on Jesus that we realize His power makes us whole by making us ONE with Him, placing us IN Him to where our identity is His. 

Just one look.

He makes it sound so simple!

A.W. Tozer writes:

"Faith is the gaze of the soul upon a saving God...Faith is the least self-reguarding of the virtues. It is by its very nature scarcely conscious of its own existence. Like the eye which sees everything in front of it and never sees itself, faith is occupied with the Object upon which it rests and pays no attention to itself at all."

I never thought these words would come out of my mouth (fingers), but

Thank the Lord,

it is not about me.   

True Love Lives.

There are so many things being posted about this little significant piece of jewelry right here lately, and I thought I would write about what I have contemplated about them. 

First of all, I've owned like 6 in my life time from the point I was about 13 when I decided I wanted a "no boyfriend ring" in middle school. They have always been so special to me. I've dreamed about wearing a True Love Waits ring all the way up until a future spouse proposed to me and could replace it with a real one. And then on our wedding night I would give him the ring and tell him, " I have waited for you all these years...."

And then about a year and a half ago I decided I didn't want to wear it anymore. 

Noo, not because I didn't want to be pure anymore, but because at about that time, one of my biggest dreams had just fell through the floor, and the little piece of metal was a part of it. 

Most girls would agree that ever since the moment we fixed our eyes on some princess movie with a beautiful prince and a dazzling wedding dress we have remained in angst saying, "GOSH I can't WAIT to be MARRIIIIEEEDD!!!"Oh, the way he looked at her when she walked down the aisle, ah, can't wait. 

Along with many other young women, my ultimate desire and dream for the past 19 1/2 (almost 20!) years of my life, was to be married. To have that special guy to love. To be in love. To be adored. To have a constant companion. To have a special moment at the altar exchanging vows. To give myself totally over to him knowing that I had waited for him to arrive in my life. To finally be secure.

And one day, he walked through the door and straight in to my heart. I swore up and down that he was THE guy I was going to marry. Confident! It was as if God had just dropped him on my lap and given him to me. He loved Jesus, I loved Jesus, we both wanted to serve Jesus--together. We laughed together, cried together, made incredible memories. It was perfect.

What I thought would end in marriage ended in two gut wrenching break ups that crushed the both of us in many ways. Yet both times, through the pain and through the tears, we knew that it was totally on purpose, and totally God's plan for our lives and for His glory. 

Though there was freedom in obedience to God's will, my dreams of a dazzling wedding dress, a Pinterest perfect wedding, a friggin' awesome husband and rockin' marriage kind of shriveled up and faded. I was incredibly discouraged. I always heard songs about people experiencing a broken dream and  meanwhile PRAYING "God, PLEASE don't let me go through that, PLEASE don't take this from me." 

But it happened. 

And NOW I have to actually WAIT for God to bring Mr. Right into my life.

Boy. Oh. Boy. Can't wait. Hip. Hip. Hooray. 

((And that is where those little rings come in to play))

Now, I am not saying that I think purity rings are bad by ANY means. For many people ( myself included) they serve as symbols to God that the bearer of the ring is wholly committed to dedicating themselves to the Lord for his purposes and serve as a reminder that they love God and desire to be pure and holy before Him. 

However. The idea of "waiting for my future husband" has begun to lose its hype for me. 

First of all, 

It's DEPRESSING.

"Dang it, now I'm single. That means I am not in a relationship. Oh! That must mean that during this time of singleness, I must prepare to be the woman my future husband will need someday. I will become more domestic! Maybe a better cook? Probably should learn to do laundry right. Read lots of marriage books? Check! Ah... When my true love gets here, life will start. We can do all these neat things TOGETHER! After all, true love WAITS for one another right?"(These are Kaitlin's thoughts BTW)

Okay, so I exaggerated a little but what I am essentially saying is the thought of waiting for my true love to come so that  life can finally start doesn't sound... fun. In fact,  it sounds boring!

Is marriage TRULY all that I am living for? If that is the case, I feel that I will incredibly disappointed when someday, I am married and it is not worthy of being the MAIN goal of my entire existence. 

I exist BECAUSE of true love.

His name is Jesus. 

And I met him August 30th, 2008 when He revealed to me how much He truly loved and wanted me. 

He is ultimately true love.

The truth of the matter is, true love doesn't wait, true love LIVES! The ultimate act of true love took place when Jesus died and gave His life for SINNERS. When he allowed us to get rid of our lives of emptiness, shame and failure and trade it for a life of fulfillment, grace and love through HIS spirit. IT is HIS spirit that lives in those who have chosen to accept & follow Him. And because true love lives, I also live too. 

Singleness doesn't equal life stagnancy. With Jesus, whether you're single, in a relationship, or married you are FILLED and BLESSED with the ability to live life.

This whole escapade is not against purity rings or True Love Waits, it's against the idea that while you are single, you are in the waiting room for life to officially start getting good and exciting when you're husband walks in.  

I don't know about you, but when I meet my husband, my hearts desire is not that he would say, "I've been waiting for you all this time. I haven't moved, haven't taken really any risks, gone anywhere, or really done anything cool because, well, I've been waiting for you!"

B.O.R.I.N.G.

I want to be able to say, "Baby, I have lived it UP! I've had a ball, done crazy and stupid things, taken lots of pictures, made lots of friends, made some dumb decisions, made some really wise decisions, been through heaven, hell and back and I am ready to keep going!" 

Moral of the story:

Don't wait for true love, 

Get to know Him right now. 

And let His love and wonder push you to live life to the very fullest.

Thither a Whoring

What an odd name for a blog title right? No worries, I'll explain later.

I've been reading the book of Judges here in the past few weeks, and let me tell you..
It's freakin' awesome.

From the stories of Judge Ehud's sword getting lost in a king's belly fat, to a woman shoving a tent peg through an enemy king's face, to Gideon's army of 300 men totally stomping on the enemy army of 135,000 through the power of God.
WHOA. I'm impressed.

As I was reading through the story of Gideon today, I stumbled across a small, little detail that I normally would have skipped over and just said "That's not a surprise for the Israelites." But it struck me a little different this time.
Here's a little back drop of what was going on during Gideon's time:

Gideon was a timid and shy guy who was commanded by God to go and rescue the Israelites from the Midianites. After three confirming signs from God, Gideon finally gathered up 22,000 men to help fight off the Midianites. But then there is a little twist in the story. God ends up narrowing Gideon's army down to 300 men so that God would be able to show that HE is mighty and sovereign, and capable of the impossible. And that He did! Gideon's army totally wiped out the Midianites. They had gathered so much plunder from the attack, that after Gideon collected one little gold earring from each of the Israelites, he had forty-three pounds of gold. Now, Gideon wanted to make something glorious from the plunder he collected, so he made a sacred Ephod. ( An ephod is a garment worn by priests in the presence of God in the Old Testament. David is seen wearing one while worshipping God in 2 Samuel 6:14).

Now this is where I was caught of guard.
Get this.
So, the Israelites have just witnessed God pretty much hand the Midianites over to them, with no doubt in their minds it was GOD who did it. In return, Gideon makes a lovely garment of praise out of their victorious treasure and then...

"All Israel went thither a whoring after it: which thing became a snare unto Gideon, and to his house."
- Judges 8:27 (KJV)

In other words,

"All the Israelites prostituted themselves by worshipping it."

WHAT idiots. Was my first thought.
I found myself actually laughing at what I just read.
Seriously Israelites? I can just see it in my head playing out like this...

Israel: "Victory to Israel! Hooray! Hooray!"
Gideon: "See here, Israel, I have made a  beautiful Ephod for our city, so we can always gaze upon it and remember the Lord's hand in the victory over the Midianites."
Israel: "Yes! What a grand idea!" (All the sudden the Israelites become British?)
Six minutes later.....
Israel: "Ooooh what a pretty Ephod. What a worthy Ephod. Praise to the Ephod! Praise Praise!"

Okay, so it may or may not have gone like that, but the point is, the Israelites' object of affection switched SO quickly.

God just gave the Israelites the miracle of a lifetime, and blessed them with all the gold, silver and material from the nation. Within a short amount of time, the Israelites are no longer worshipping the God who saved them, they're worshipping articles of CLOTHING!

It's so easy for me to look at the Israelites and say, "Come ON Israelites, quit being idiots!"

And in such a teachable moment, the sweetest Teacher I know is tapping on my shoulder...laughing at me.

I remember learning the 10 commandments when I was younger, and specifically remembering commandment #2, "Thou shall not make for yourself any graven image", as the commandment that didn't apply to us anymore. When in reality, most of us struggle with it daily. 
This commandment usually doesn't affect us because we think "Well, I don't worship a golden calf or a silver shrine like they did in the olden days, so I'm covered."

According to the lovely Webster's dictionary, idolatry is defined as:

: a representation or symbol of an object of worship; broadly: a false god

And also,

: a form or appearance visible but without substance

In other words, an idol is something that has grabbed our attention and caused us to place our hope of satisfaction in IT instead of in our God, who is the only one who can truly satisfy our hearts.And the thing is, we can make idols out of good things, things that God intended to bless us with.
-Marriage-Sex-Beauty -Work-Relationships-Material things-Success
However, when we begin to look to these things to satisfy the emptiness in our hearts, they can easily become idols, or things we worship or devote ourselves to. 
Recently, God revealed to me that  I have made marriage an idol in my heart.Since I was a little girl I have been anxiously awaiting the moment when God brings in the right guy into my life at the right time.  But as I looked a little deeper into that desire, I understood that what I really wanted was a permanent satisfaction guarantee. I wanted permanent fulfillment. In this case, marriage would leave me empty, alone, and completely disappointed. When we begin worshipping these things, we become obsessed with them, we long for them, and we aren't satisfied until they finally satisfy that longing in us that we want filled.But that's just it.That day wont come.

It is God's desire, and His pleasure to satisfy us. Because we are imperfect humans, we long for something greater. We have a hole in our heart that cries out for fulfillment. Some may see it as a burden, but in reality, it anchors us to His presence. It keeps us close to Him. When we feel that aching in our hearts for fulfillment, we can cry out to the one who fills us completely, totally, and wholly. 
Though our society beckons us to put our hope, treasure and anticipation into people and things, we can hold tight to the fact that His satisfaction is greater and more abundant than any other thing. 

I Have Loved You.

Late night.

Feelin' kinda mopey.

Praying that I would feel encouraged in some way or another. 

I pull out a little devotional called Jesus Calling ( if you've never heard of it, or read it, you need to go buy it!).

Anywho, the segment for the day talked about how God likes when we are needy.

He knows that we are in need of vast quantities of encouragement, blessings and provisions-- and He delights  in giving them to us! 

Then, I ran across the verse that I know I have seen a thousand times and usually say "Aww, how sweet God, you love me." But, I realized this verse says so much more about His love.

" Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you." 

- Jeremiah 31:3

Notice that the word love, is past tense. 

A set of parents comes to mind.

Over their lifetime, their children constantly approach them with their many requests, problems, accidents, faults and favors. During each one of these events, the parents have to choose their reaction, and how they will be affected by them; whether it be in anger, frustration, kindness, love, exc. 

Often times we think of God this way. That when we approach Him with something, He has to sit there and think about it, and in that moment, choose love. 

But the reality of it is, God is not surprised by what you do. He never has been and He never will be.

He is outside of time-- Our 24 hour day. 

God already CHOSE love when He sent His son to die on a cross so that He could be forever united to His people. 

God has already loved you for a lifetime. He doesn't just choose to everyday based on what you do or don't do.

Midnight Thoughts

** I wrote this October 23, 2013-- And I forgot to post it-- Woops!**

Maybe I’ll read a book.
Maybe I’ll study this.
Anything I can do to pull this heart out of the abyss

Of emptiness. Loneliness. Insecurity at best.

Watching as the time ticks, life-- feeling meaningless.

I look around me at the victories achieved,
Lessons learned, messages received.

And ask quietly within the depths of my heart—Why can’t it be about me?

“Take up your cross and follow me”

Were words not for comfort, but of suffering.
Suffering to become the best YOU you can be

By denying, refusing and saying no to yourself—Daily.

In a world that glorifies self- sufficiency,
my efforts are failing—miserably.

You healed the doubter, the dead, the blind and the lame

With a touch of your hand or the sound of Your name

The demons left without you uttering a word,

For they feared your authority, they knew who you were.

Such miracles, so fascinating, so glorious and majestic
So when I ask you for help in the small things, why do I feel so pathetic?

My heart, my heart. Always confusing it’s place

On the throne in the center or dead beneath the grave

Its all about you, all about your Glory

Its not about me, it’s not my Story.

Help me to find the joys of walking right behind you,

Learning more about your heart, with my eyes fixed on the view

Of the Man who holds my heart, my future and my destiny
So lucky to be found by the One who dearly loves me.

The Underdog.

The Parable of the Barren Fig Tree:
as told by Kaitlin.

Luke 13: 6-9
" A man planted a fig tree in his garden and came again and again to see if there was any fruit on it, but he was always disappointed. Finally, he said to his gardener,  'I've waited three years, and there hasn't been a single fig! Cut it down. It's just taking up space in the garden."

**Pause at this point for commentary thoughts**

"Aggh. Okay, I know what happens next. This is the part where you say 'Chop it down dude! Throw it in the fire!' 
There isn't any room for fruitless trees, I know, I know.

And then as I continue to read, I was baffled by what Jesus (the gardener) said to the man.

"The gardener answered, 'Sir, give it one more chance. Leave it another year, and I'll give it special attention and plenty of fertilizer. If we get figs, next year, fine. If not, then you can cut it down."

Hmmm. I'm pretty sure I've read this story before, but it has never struck me like this.

Different situations began flooding my mind of times that I treat people like the impatient man yelling at the gardener saying "Cut down the tree already! It's a waste."

Like the person that goes to church that can never seem to 'get it right.'
Those that raise their hands in worship, yet lead a totally different life when they leave the door.
The alcoholic friend who promises a thousand times they'll stop, and they continue.
The needy person who keeps promising to turn their life around, yet continues begging for  your money, a shelter, and food. 
The flaky friend that makes empty promises and commitments that leave you angry and disappointed.
People that do wrong, blasphemous, or violent things under the name of Jesus.
Cut them down Jesus!

But Jesus responded to this man in a way that defies all logic and all reasoning. 
"Let them have just one. more. chance"
"Let me love them, and give them special attention"

All throughout the Bible, Jesus continually roots for the underdog.

un·der·dog

  [uhn-der-dawg, -dog] 

noun

1.	the competitor least likely to win a fight or contest
2.	a person in adversity or in a position of inferiority

Rarely ever does Jesus focus his attention on the 'righteous' or 'religious leaders'. No, He came to save what was lost. Those who were broken. The weak who without Him, had nothing going for them. Those who needed someone just to give them one more chance and rip off the label that declared them to be worthless, purposeless, a waste.

In a world that believes that the "Survival of the Fittest" is the way we should live, it is so easy for us to develop a temperament that screams self achievement,  all the while forgetting about the grace that has pulled us through in the first place.
All of us are broken, and are in desperate need of someone to give us a second chance. 

It's easy to give up on those who have continually disappointed us, yet so hard to realize the amount of times we should have disappointed Jesus. The many times He should have just given up on our stubbornness and moved on to someone who would be more receptive. 
But instead, 
He saw us, and pleaded on our behalves to just have a little more time with us.
A little more time to work on our hearts so that one day they would come to love Him. 

Aye. 

Unfortunately, judgment is so much easier to dish out than grace sometimes. 
But thankfully, Jesus came to restore that in us, and make us a people that choose to be people's advocates rather than their adversaries. 

What a sweet, and a loving 'Gardener' we have in Jesus.

We thank You for always rooting for us: your crazy, messed up kids--
The Underdogs.

A Piece of Gum.

So, if you know anything about me, you know that I used to have a SERIOUS gum addiction. I'm talkin' about a pack a day kind of addiction.

15 Sticks= One Day= In One Mouth, well maybe a few mouths.

Because I was notorious for always having gum, that meant everyone and their mom always knew the go to girl for a good chew.  Well, I had one particular individual that almost every day for two years would say "Do you have gum? Can I have some?" So, very frequently I would pull out a piece of gum (with a fake smile-- Yes, that's right. Don't even lie by telling me you give away gum cheerfully), and say Sure! And give one to them.
I've come a long way though, I no longer have an addiction to gum. However, one night I was really craving some. So, I saw that this person (discussed earlier) was giving out a piece to a friend, so I asked if I could have a piece. This person said "Ahh, here." And ripped a little piece off and gave me 2/3 of a stick. WHAT?! Was my first reaction. So I popped the fragment of gum in my mouth and started thinking: " I have given this person like a thousand pieces of gum, and when I ask for one, I get a little chunk! Hmmph." -.-

Oh, and we all know moments like these are all great teaching opportunities for Jesus. So here he comes with His soft whisper:
" Kaitlin, how often do you give me just a "segment" of what I have given you and blessed you with, when I have given you so much?"
---Yeah Kaitlin, why DO you do that!---
Dang it.
No longer am I disappointed in the person next to me, I'm disappointed in myself!

So often when God asks for something of ours whether it be time, money, a relationship, an opportunity, a possession, we usually do one of two things:
1. But Goooooooood, It's mine.
2. Or, we say okay "Fine." And give him just a small portion that won't compromise our comfort or cause us pain.

Romans 12:1-2 says:
"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. ² Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

We are beckoned to give ourselves up as a sacrifice--
The kind He will find acceptable.

Not 1/3, 1/2, or 3/4 of my life-- All of it. 

The true way to worship the Father is through surrender. 
______________________________

sur·ren·der [suh-ren-der]:

verb

1. to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield

______________________________

Most would agree that when we are told to surrender our lives to God, the first fear that comes to mind is that God is going to take all the good things away. Which He might..  to replace them with the best things. In the verse above, it talks about giving up our lives to God and letting Him transform us which, in turn, opens the doors for us to know His will for us-- Which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Surrender is usually painful because it is the very thing we don't want. Our flesh wants what our flesh wants. By surrendering, we are laying down our control over these very things and submitting it to the Lord. However, surrender is an act of forming our will to His, which in the end is an incredibly beautiful thing. And like mentioned before-- His will is good, pleasing and perfect.

It comforts me to know that God is always for our good--Especially in the times when He does take something away, and we are left waiting for what comes next. 

But we can stand firm in our surrender knowing that

"The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right."

Psalm 84:11