True Love Lives.

There are so many things being posted about this little significant piece of jewelry right here lately, and I thought I would write about what I have contemplated about them. 

First of all, I've owned like 6 in my life time from the point I was about 13 when I decided I wanted a "no boyfriend ring" in middle school. They have always been so special to me. I've dreamed about wearing a True Love Waits ring all the way up until a future spouse proposed to me and could replace it with a real one. And then on our wedding night I would give him the ring and tell him, " I have waited for you all these years...."

And then about a year and a half ago I decided I didn't want to wear it anymore. 

Noo, not because I didn't want to be pure anymore, but because at about that time, one of my biggest dreams had just fell through the floor, and the little piece of metal was a part of it. 

Most girls would agree that ever since the moment we fixed our eyes on some princess movie with a beautiful prince and a dazzling wedding dress we have remained in angst saying, "GOSH I can't WAIT to be MARRIIIIEEEDD!!!"Oh, the way he looked at her when she walked down the aisle, ah, can't wait. 

Along with many other young women, my ultimate desire and dream for the past 19 1/2 (almost 20!) years of my life, was to be married. To have that special guy to love. To be in love. To be adored. To have a constant companion. To have a special moment at the altar exchanging vows. To give myself totally over to him knowing that I had waited for him to arrive in my life. To finally be secure.

And one day, he walked through the door and straight in to my heart. I swore up and down that he was THE guy I was going to marry. Confident! It was as if God had just dropped him on my lap and given him to me. He loved Jesus, I loved Jesus, we both wanted to serve Jesus--together. We laughed together, cried together, made incredible memories. It was perfect.

What I thought would end in marriage ended in two gut wrenching break ups that crushed the both of us in many ways. Yet both times, through the pain and through the tears, we knew that it was totally on purpose, and totally God's plan for our lives and for His glory. 

Though there was freedom in obedience to God's will, my dreams of a dazzling wedding dress, a Pinterest perfect wedding, a friggin' awesome husband and rockin' marriage kind of shriveled up and faded. I was incredibly discouraged. I always heard songs about people experiencing a broken dream and  meanwhile PRAYING "God, PLEASE don't let me go through that, PLEASE don't take this from me." 

But it happened. 

And NOW I have to actually WAIT for God to bring Mr. Right into my life.

Boy. Oh. Boy. Can't wait. Hip. Hip. Hooray. 

((And that is where those little rings come in to play))

Now, I am not saying that I think purity rings are bad by ANY means. For many people ( myself included) they serve as symbols to God that the bearer of the ring is wholly committed to dedicating themselves to the Lord for his purposes and serve as a reminder that they love God and desire to be pure and holy before Him. 

However. The idea of "waiting for my future husband" has begun to lose its hype for me. 

First of all, 

It's DEPRESSING.

"Dang it, now I'm single. That means I am not in a relationship. Oh! That must mean that during this time of singleness, I must prepare to be the woman my future husband will need someday. I will become more domestic! Maybe a better cook? Probably should learn to do laundry right. Read lots of marriage books? Check! Ah... When my true love gets here, life will start. We can do all these neat things TOGETHER! After all, true love WAITS for one another right?"(These are Kaitlin's thoughts BTW)

Okay, so I exaggerated a little but what I am essentially saying is the thought of waiting for my true love to come so that  life can finally start doesn't sound... fun. In fact,  it sounds boring!

Is marriage TRULY all that I am living for? If that is the case, I feel that I will incredibly disappointed when someday, I am married and it is not worthy of being the MAIN goal of my entire existence. 

I exist BECAUSE of true love.

His name is Jesus. 

And I met him August 30th, 2008 when He revealed to me how much He truly loved and wanted me. 

He is ultimately true love.

The truth of the matter is, true love doesn't wait, true love LIVES! The ultimate act of true love took place when Jesus died and gave His life for SINNERS. When he allowed us to get rid of our lives of emptiness, shame and failure and trade it for a life of fulfillment, grace and love through HIS spirit. IT is HIS spirit that lives in those who have chosen to accept & follow Him. And because true love lives, I also live too. 

Singleness doesn't equal life stagnancy. With Jesus, whether you're single, in a relationship, or married you are FILLED and BLESSED with the ability to live life.

This whole escapade is not against purity rings or True Love Waits, it's against the idea that while you are single, you are in the waiting room for life to officially start getting good and exciting when you're husband walks in.  

I don't know about you, but when I meet my husband, my hearts desire is not that he would say, "I've been waiting for you all this time. I haven't moved, haven't taken really any risks, gone anywhere, or really done anything cool because, well, I've been waiting for you!"

B.O.R.I.N.G.

I want to be able to say, "Baby, I have lived it UP! I've had a ball, done crazy and stupid things, taken lots of pictures, made lots of friends, made some dumb decisions, made some really wise decisions, been through heaven, hell and back and I am ready to keep going!" 

Moral of the story:

Don't wait for true love, 

Get to know Him right now. 

And let His love and wonder push you to live life to the very fullest.

Thither a Whoring

What an odd name for a blog title right? No worries, I'll explain later.

I've been reading the book of Judges here in the past few weeks, and let me tell you..
It's freakin' awesome.

From the stories of Judge Ehud's sword getting lost in a king's belly fat, to a woman shoving a tent peg through an enemy king's face, to Gideon's army of 300 men totally stomping on the enemy army of 135,000 through the power of God.
WHOA. I'm impressed.

As I was reading through the story of Gideon today, I stumbled across a small, little detail that I normally would have skipped over and just said "That's not a surprise for the Israelites." But it struck me a little different this time.
Here's a little back drop of what was going on during Gideon's time:

Gideon was a timid and shy guy who was commanded by God to go and rescue the Israelites from the Midianites. After three confirming signs from God, Gideon finally gathered up 22,000 men to help fight off the Midianites. But then there is a little twist in the story. God ends up narrowing Gideon's army down to 300 men so that God would be able to show that HE is mighty and sovereign, and capable of the impossible. And that He did! Gideon's army totally wiped out the Midianites. They had gathered so much plunder from the attack, that after Gideon collected one little gold earring from each of the Israelites, he had forty-three pounds of gold. Now, Gideon wanted to make something glorious from the plunder he collected, so he made a sacred Ephod. ( An ephod is a garment worn by priests in the presence of God in the Old Testament. David is seen wearing one while worshipping God in 2 Samuel 6:14).

Now this is where I was caught of guard.
Get this.
So, the Israelites have just witnessed God pretty much hand the Midianites over to them, with no doubt in their minds it was GOD who did it. In return, Gideon makes a lovely garment of praise out of their victorious treasure and then...

"All Israel went thither a whoring after it: which thing became a snare unto Gideon, and to his house."
- Judges 8:27 (KJV)

In other words,

"All the Israelites prostituted themselves by worshipping it."

WHAT idiots. Was my first thought.
I found myself actually laughing at what I just read.
Seriously Israelites? I can just see it in my head playing out like this...

Israel: "Victory to Israel! Hooray! Hooray!"
Gideon: "See here, Israel, I have made a  beautiful Ephod for our city, so we can always gaze upon it and remember the Lord's hand in the victory over the Midianites."
Israel: "Yes! What a grand idea!" (All the sudden the Israelites become British?)
Six minutes later.....
Israel: "Ooooh what a pretty Ephod. What a worthy Ephod. Praise to the Ephod! Praise Praise!"

Okay, so it may or may not have gone like that, but the point is, the Israelites' object of affection switched SO quickly.

God just gave the Israelites the miracle of a lifetime, and blessed them with all the gold, silver and material from the nation. Within a short amount of time, the Israelites are no longer worshipping the God who saved them, they're worshipping articles of CLOTHING!

It's so easy for me to look at the Israelites and say, "Come ON Israelites, quit being idiots!"

And in such a teachable moment, the sweetest Teacher I know is tapping on my shoulder...laughing at me.

I remember learning the 10 commandments when I was younger, and specifically remembering commandment #2, "Thou shall not make for yourself any graven image", as the commandment that didn't apply to us anymore. When in reality, most of us struggle with it daily. 
This commandment usually doesn't affect us because we think "Well, I don't worship a golden calf or a silver shrine like they did in the olden days, so I'm covered."

According to the lovely Webster's dictionary, idolatry is defined as:

: a representation or symbol of an object of worship; broadly: a false god

And also,

: a form or appearance visible but without substance

In other words, an idol is something that has grabbed our attention and caused us to place our hope of satisfaction in IT instead of in our God, who is the only one who can truly satisfy our hearts.And the thing is, we can make idols out of good things, things that God intended to bless us with.
-Marriage-Sex-Beauty -Work-Relationships-Material things-Success
However, when we begin to look to these things to satisfy the emptiness in our hearts, they can easily become idols, or things we worship or devote ourselves to. 
Recently, God revealed to me that  I have made marriage an idol in my heart.Since I was a little girl I have been anxiously awaiting the moment when God brings in the right guy into my life at the right time.  But as I looked a little deeper into that desire, I understood that what I really wanted was a permanent satisfaction guarantee. I wanted permanent fulfillment. In this case, marriage would leave me empty, alone, and completely disappointed. When we begin worshipping these things, we become obsessed with them, we long for them, and we aren't satisfied until they finally satisfy that longing in us that we want filled.But that's just it.That day wont come.

It is God's desire, and His pleasure to satisfy us. Because we are imperfect humans, we long for something greater. We have a hole in our heart that cries out for fulfillment. Some may see it as a burden, but in reality, it anchors us to His presence. It keeps us close to Him. When we feel that aching in our hearts for fulfillment, we can cry out to the one who fills us completely, totally, and wholly. 
Though our society beckons us to put our hope, treasure and anticipation into people and things, we can hold tight to the fact that His satisfaction is greater and more abundant than any other thing. 

I Have Loved You.

Late night.

Feelin' kinda mopey.

Praying that I would feel encouraged in some way or another. 

I pull out a little devotional called Jesus Calling ( if you've never heard of it, or read it, you need to go buy it!).

Anywho, the segment for the day talked about how God likes when we are needy.

He knows that we are in need of vast quantities of encouragement, blessings and provisions-- and He delights  in giving them to us! 

Then, I ran across the verse that I know I have seen a thousand times and usually say "Aww, how sweet God, you love me." But, I realized this verse says so much more about His love.

" Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you." 

- Jeremiah 31:3

Notice that the word love, is past tense. 

A set of parents comes to mind.

Over their lifetime, their children constantly approach them with their many requests, problems, accidents, faults and favors. During each one of these events, the parents have to choose their reaction, and how they will be affected by them; whether it be in anger, frustration, kindness, love, exc. 

Often times we think of God this way. That when we approach Him with something, He has to sit there and think about it, and in that moment, choose love. 

But the reality of it is, God is not surprised by what you do. He never has been and He never will be.

He is outside of time-- Our 24 hour day. 

God already CHOSE love when He sent His son to die on a cross so that He could be forever united to His people. 

God has already loved you for a lifetime. He doesn't just choose to everyday based on what you do or don't do.