Harvesting a Heart of Faith

Do you ever get stuck inside your own head?
Like- literally fixated in the same web of thoughts that you cannot seem to break free from?

It's so annoying.

Thought after thought, worry after worry, fear after fear, fret after fret-- swirling through every canal and crevice of your mind, until your mental ability to think is on lock down. And then you realize, "Holy cow, I've been looking at the same object for 30 minutes yet, have managed to mentally visit every 'what if' in my BRAIN."

It's exhausting--and crazy if you think about it. The power we allow our thoughts and fears that may not even be existing realities, to take dominance over our physical, emotional and spiritual health. Nuts!

 And I'm all too guilty of doing it- all. the. time. I was sitting at work this morning, staring at my desk (probably cross eyed) for a grand total of 45 minutes exhausting every option of what "could" happen with all the current changes taking place in this season of life. Well, after I realized what a DOWNER I was being, I tried focusing on something else but my mood just sucked after my all too depressing 'thinking' session. I was frequently annoyed with people that came in, had tears rolling at the front of my eyes with every frustrating thought, and I was just altogether a mess!

The reality of it was, in the physical realm- Nothing even happened. I became overwhelmed with a false sense of reality that I convinced myself was real.

That's the stupid thing about fear. (Well, everything about it is stupid- But you know what I mean)
It makes things a way bigger deal than they are.
Why??
Because it is false.

And I hear the voice of my mother every time I say this--

"Kaitlin, what is fear?"

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

Fear calls us to come and hide in the darkness of the unknown. To sit and wonder about all the unseen things that 'could' be lurking around.

But the defense to fear is faith. 

Hebrews 11:1 says that,"faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."

Fear gives apprehension of what we can't see, but faith gives us assurance of what we can't see.


And that really didn't make any sense until I gave it a try.

In the midst of the process of winding webs of fear, I opened my devotional to today's date and it said these words :
"The best response is a heart overflowing with gratitude. I am training you to cultivate a thankful mindset."

No offense, but the last thing I want to do is be grateful and thankful-- Honestly, I kind of want to keep spinning around in circles because in the most ODD way- It's comforting. Sometimes it's easier to fear and try to obsessively plan for every in and out of  the unknown instead of trusting the One who knows it all.

So I decided to try the thankful thing, and I just began thanking God for the process that He is taking me through for His faithfulness through the many processes in the past. And as I continued to bring those truths to the forefront of my mind, it was incredible the shift in my thoughts. By speaking truths and thanking Him in faith for what He has done and for who He is, I began feeling assured that I would be taken care of and that in the midst of the change, He would be faithful as He always has.

I don't get why I choose fear more than I chose faith, because God has given us every reason to trust Him. But thank the Lord that He is not finished yet!